


If You Come Around Again

by HermioneGrangerTwin



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermioneGrangerTwin/pseuds/HermioneGrangerTwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In his darkest moments, Kurt questions whether or not he deserves Blaine, if Blaine deserves better." Future!Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Come Around Again

He has been looking forward to coming home for Christmas for a full three months. If he's being honest with himself, he'd admit that he's been looking forward to Christmas break since he boarded his final plane for New York.

Crass commercialism and Christian cajoling aside, Kurt Hummel truly loves the Christmas season.

It not only gives him an opportunity to critique the various hideous sweaters that people always seem to drag from the recesses of their closets, it's the only time of the year in which he can shop almost constantly with minimal commentary from his peers.

Christmas is also his Dad's favorite time of the year. His generally gruff but well-meaning father becomes positively jolly when he sees Christmas lights go up at the Murray's. With that impetus, he's off, putting up lights, picking out a tree, and playing  _A Very Special Christmas—_ especially track 6, a rendition of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by John Cougar Mellencamp—with no respite. (Since he's already being honest, Kurt'll admit that he really doesn't enjoy Madonna's "Santa Baby", too childish and cloying, but instead enjoys Whitney Houston's "Do You Hear What I Hear?" and the very 80s-tastic "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by the Pretenders. The 80s have held an inexplicable allure for him since he first heard the stylings of Duran Duran, the first track on the first of many mixtapes his mother made for his father, and he's almost positive that allure will continue to hold until he dies.) Recently, Christmas spirit in the Hummel house has been further heightened by the additions to their little family. While Christmas had always been a joyous holiday for the Hummel men, having a brother and wife with which to share it made everything that much more exciting.

But when the intercom announces that the landing strip is mere minutes away, what Kurt looks forward to instinctively is hazel and goofy grins. Let's face it: if he only got to do one thing while in Ohio, Kurt Hummel would choose Blaine Anderson every time.

And when he steps through the door for arrivals and sees the object of his musings, he remembers why.

His boyfriend is in front of the Arrivals board, an old Led Zeppelin t-shirt clinging to his chest, hand smoothing down gelled curls as if he'd like to run his fingers through them with a slight frown, eyebrows furrowed. Kurt stops and watches while his fingers tap restlessly over his mouth. Blaine turns around and his eyes sweep over the scene. It's obvious when he sees Kurt: his eyes widen and, as expected, a grin shines from his face. He and Kurt stand still for a long moment, both looking at the other across the room as if making sure nothing's changed. When Kurt can't just stand still and watch anymore, he bolts toward Blaine, arms open and tingling in anticipation.

Blaine immediately wraps him up in a tight embrace, hooking his chin over Kurt's shoulder. Pressed this close, Kurt feels one of Blaine's buttons pressed against his chest. He quickly forgets about it, however, when Blaine pulls away to rest his forehead against Kurt's.

" _Hi,_ " he whispers, almost shy.

Kurt grins, sure he makes a frightening picture with so many teeth.

"I'd almost forgotten how beautiful you are," Blaine says, sounding half-awed and half-ashamed.

"You're  _so_  cheesy; it's ridiculous," Kurt replies, his hand rising to cup Blaine's jaw.

Blaine grins back, and yeah, he's definitely the reason to come home.

-β-

Finn insists on driving Kurt home, claiming that, technically, Blaine has gotten to see Kurt almost every day via Skype while his own brother has been neglected.

When they get into Finn's decrepit Toyota, Finn and Kurt chat about their respective semesters, Finn describing how much he's enjoying OSU's music education department and Kurt lavishing praise upon NYADA. It isn't until they turn onto their street, almost home, that Finn slows down significantly and says to Kurt, apropos of nothing, "Your boyfriend's been acting weird lately."

Kurt's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

Finn's eyes remain on the road though he could probably finish the route with his eyes closed and he's still carrying on with his Sunday driver impression. Kurt wonders what could be so weird that Finn won't look him in the eye.

"Well, he won't look at me. It's like he's scared of me or something."

Kurt covers his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. "He's probably afraid that you'll let it slip to Dad that he's 'defiled his precious flower.'" Although Kurt had told him that Burt Hummel was a big teddy bear, Blaine lives in constant fear that Burt Hummel will suddenly produce a flamethrower and let him burn.

Finn scoffs. "Burt knows you can take care of yourself."

There's a long pause while Finn stops the car before the last curve to home and finally turns to look at Kurt. "I'm serious, though, dude. Something's wrong. Every time I see him, he tries as hard as he can to avoid talking to me. And we were tight, you know?"

"Blaine's really busy and—"

"Kurt," he says firmly, impelling Kurt to look Finn in the eye.

"Blaine and I tell each other everything. No secrets."

Finn nods, silently considering. "There are some things that people don't tell each other to protect the other's feelings."

Kurt and his brother stare at each other for thirty seconds, each willing the other to concede before Finn pulls back onto the street and heads home.

-β-

Long after everyone else has gone to bed—with a warning to "keep the door  _open_ , boys"—Blaine is lying on his stomach in front of the fire blazing in the living room, another mainstay of a Burt Hummel Christmas. Because his parents are gone for the weekend and—although he'd never admit it—Kurt's dad worries about Blaine being alone, he has special permission to spend the weekend sleeping on the couch instead of what must be a infinitely more comfortable bed in his own home. While gathering linens and blankets from the closet in the hall, Kurt relates the mishap Rachel got herself involved in by not checking the location of a gig before accepting. "I mean, honestly, Blaine, the girl who offered her the opening was clearly a lesbian. She constantly wears Doc Martens and demanded Rachel sing Ani DiFranco."

Kurt walked back into the living room, catching Blaine with a grin that caused his eyes to sparkle.

"I think what bothered Rachel most, though, was not that she had to sing at Ginger's, but that not one even girl hit on her."

Blaine laughs silently, not wanting to wake anyone up, his shoulders quaking.

"I can't believe I haven't told you that story already!"

Blaine clearly can't form words, he's laughing too hard to even breathe properly. Kurt takes the opportunity to watch him while Blaine won't complain that Kurt's staring. His skin is beautiful in the firelight, glowing in a way that looks almost obscene. Gel beginning to lose hold, his hair is curling around his ears, and Kurt knows it'll soon be the imbroglio that Blaine curses upon looking in the mirror every morning. After seeing it like this, light filtering through it, Kurt vows to incinerate all the gel in Blaine's possession.

Kurt is soon distracted by Blaine's Adam's apple bobbing in mirth, and that's when he sees the flash of silver against the side of his throat. A chain hangs around his neck, trailing into the neck of his t-shirt.

_T-shirt?_

And that's when he realizes that the mass pressed against his chest at the airport wasn't a button, but whatever lies at the base of that chain tucked beneath his shirt.

Kurt also realizes that he's been staring at his boyfriend's chest for quite a while, trying to make out the shape of the pendant instead of making up Blaine's makeshift bed on the couch. He drags his eyes away from Blaine and returns to the task with single-minded determination, tucking the sheets in sharply and refusing to think about the mystery necklace.

When he begins wrapping the blanket around the couch cushions, his boyfriend wraps his arms around Kurt's waist from behind, pressing himself against the length of Kurt's back, trailing his lips against Kurt's neck and along his shoulder before resting his head on the taller boy's shoulder blade.

"I'm so glad you're home," he whispers fervently, his arms tightening around Kurt's waist.

In response, Kurt stops trying to tidy the perfectly prepared bed and places his hands over Blaine's on his body, forgetting about the chain, all thoughts pushed out except that he can't imagine his life without Blaine.

Well, he could, but everything he sees beyond Blaine is empty and painful. He knows it isn't rational, that high school romances never last, that he would find someone else, that he isn't completely unlovable, but with the warmth of the person who owns his heart against his back, it's impossible to remind himself to be logical.

"Me too."

-β-

When he's lying in the dark of his room, however, he wonders what the chain means to Blaine. What does Blaine think he has to hide? What could possibly be on that necklace that he wouldn't want to share it with Kurt? How long has he—?

Kurt jolts out of bed, pulling his laptop out of his luggage, still unpacked on the floor of his room, and starting it. He opens Facebook and frantically scours Tina's photo album from this year ("take the chain from off the door"). Blaine and Tina have become as inseparable as Rachel and himself in the months they've been apart. In every story of McKinley's tyranny, Tina and Rory are depicted at his side, trudging on, Tina's happy cynicism and Rory's unfailing optimism keeping him afloat.

The chain emerges in October, the day after Blaine's birthday. Without fail, every picture after that has the elusive chain, teasing Kurt from around Blaine's neck, creeping into his shirt. Kurt stares intently at each photo, carefully searching for any indication of the pendant. In no picture is anything visible, although in one photo Blaine's deep v-neck shows most of the chain, tapering almost to the chain's adornment before the neck of the shirt hides it. It mocks Kurt, daring him to find its identity.

Frustrated and with no answer, Kurt closes his laptop and places it carefully beside his bed before lying back in bed, staring at the ceiling.

_The day after his birthday…_  The implication being that Blaine received the chain or whatever's on it as a gift. Who would get him a necklace for his birthday? Blaine wasn't interested in jewelry or the masculine sort of leather strips on which men put picks or shark teeth or other "manly" things. And if it wasn't one of those superficial necklaces, Kurt can only imagine that someone else is courting Blaine. Clearly, the necklace is important to him as he wears it all the time. His heart stutters. Someone important to Blaine gave him that necklace, or he wouldn't wear it under his clothes every day.

Has Blaine found someone else? Someone he loves?

In his darkest moments, the time of night when children see spiders on the walls, Kurt questions whether or not he deserves Blaine, if Blaine deserves better. He speculates that Blaine deserves better than being side-eyed because his  _boyfriend_ is high-maintenance, high-pitched, and high-strung.

He doesn't know why Blaine finds him attractive in the slightest. He gets mistaken for a woman on a regular basis. He's too feminine, all pear-hips and softness where he should be hard-lines and muscle. Perhaps Blaine has found someone worthier. Someone that'll give him the masculinity that is more attractive.

Kurt immediately regrets the thought that Blaine would ever be unfaithful. Blaine wouldn't do that. Blaine loves him. He wouldn't hurt Kurt like that.

_There are some things that people don't tell each other to protect the other's feelings._

Finn's words crash into him full-force. What if that's the thing he's not saying? What if impropriety is the only reason he hasn't already told Kurt over the phone or on his first night back? That wouldn't be very polite, would it? If there's one thing that Blaine's judgmental parents have drilled into him, it's that politeness is of utmost importance. What if Kurt's been flitting about New York, flattering himself with a handsome, adoring boyfriend and that boyfriend has been thinking of ways to cut him loose since October?

_October._

What if all the time Kurt spent waiting to come home to see his boyfriend, said boyfriend has been carrying on a secret relationship with a strong man, not prone to tears or fits of pique? What if he's been wearing the necklace under his clothing to prevent prying eyes from seeing and telling Kurt and tearing apart the delicate bond he's making with this new boy?

_What if Blaine hasn't loved Kurt all along?_

-β-

Tonight, Blaine is once again laying in front of the fire, this time with hot tea, while Kurt makes up the couch. Tonight, however, Blaine is watching Kurt prepare the couch; Kurt can feel his eyes boring into his back.

"Kurt?" Blaine poses tentatively. Kurt has been on pins and needles all day, waiting for any indication that Blaine wants to break up with him or treasures the pendant while he thinks Kurt isn't looking. Kurt's heart quickens now and he briefly considers ending it tonight, so he doesn't go all of Christmas break wondering if his heart's going to be crushed.

"Yes?"

"Is something wrong?"

Kurt refuses to turn around; if he saw Blaine, he'd tell him the fears that had been plaguing him since yesterday, making him look overemotional and silly if he was wrong.

"No," Kurt replies, continuing to place sheets on the couch.

"Really? Because you've barely touched me all day."

Kurt had been sitting back all day, waiting for Blaine to make a move to touch him, to prove that he still wanted Kurt, to prove his doubts wrong.

"Well, we were with Finn all afternoon. You know how uncomfortable he gets. He's getting better, but—"

"I know  _that_ , but it isn't like I was asking you to make out with me on the couch. I was just trying to put an arm around you when we were watching  _A Christmas Story_ —"

"Finn's obsession with that movie is truly unhealthy. I swear we watch it three times a week in December."

Blaine continues when Kurt stops, undeterred. "You got up and went to clean up the kitchen 'from lunch' even though we'd already done that."

"Finn went back in and ate food  _with his hands_. He got crumbs all over the floor and the counter."

"Kurt," Blaine says firmly, mirroring Finn's tone from yesterday. "Why won't you look at me?"

Kurt dips his head down, struggling against the tears rising to his eyes.  _Silly. Overemotional. Girl._  "I'm afraid I'll turn around and see that you don't love me."

There was silence from behind him and Kurt resigned himself to the fact that it was over. The person that got him through his last years of high school was about to slink out of his life. Kurt's very best friend was going to tell him that he was right, that there was no love between them anymore, that Blaine's half of the connection had been retracted and Kurt was hanging on to no avail. He was going to turn around and find Blaine preparing to break up with him.

But when he actually does turn around, Blaine is a foot away from him on his knees, looking up at Kurt with tears in his eyes. "What makes you think I don't love you?"

Kurt tries to hold back the tears keeping him from seeing clearly. "I'm not exactly subtle. I'm flamboyant and people stare at us in restaurants and stores because of me. You can't even go through a parking lot without people judging you.  _Because of me_."

Blaine looks devastated. "When did I ever say that I mind people seeing us? And who ever said it was because of you?"

Kurt shrugs one shoulder. "You shouldn't have to deal with that. You deserve better."

"At the risk of sounding cheesy," Blaine says, very serious, "you're perfect to me. Remember when we sang P!nk in the car? I meant all of it. Did I say something to you? Did I do something to make you think you're anything less than what I want?"

"I'm in New York now and you're here and you're extremely eligible. I'm sure that you could have your pick."

"I pick you," he says immediately.

Kurt sighs, weary. "Blaine, be serious."

"I  _am_  serious. Don't you understand?"

Kurt shakes his head, unable to look at Blaine because his next words will make him cry. "I want everything too much. I'm needy and mouthy and I'm  _so difficult_  to love."

And there's the rub. That's the fear. No one but Blaine will ever try to love him because he's too much. Blaine loves hopeless cases; Blaine rescues mean kittens in parks. Of course Blaine is going to try his hardest to love someone so thorny. It's impossible to love him when he has so many limitations, so many walls, so much to protect him.

And that's when Kurt hears the sob from below his line of sight and turns back to the boy now at his feet. "If I've ever—" his voice cracks—"If I've ever done anything to make you feel that way, I'm so sorry. I just—" He breaks off and wipes his eyes, gathering himself. He takes Kurt's hand and presses it against his chest. "Feel that? Do you feel it beating?"

Kurt nods, not fighting the tears anymore.

"It's yours. It's for you. I  _love_   _you_ , Kurt Hummel. Forever."

Kurt laughs bitterly. "I have your heart?"

One corner of Blaine's mouth rises, clearly thinking that he's getting through to Kurt. "Absolutely."

"Then what is it that you're keeping so close to it since October?"

Blaine's brow furrows and he cocks his head. "I…I don't understand."

Kurt looks into his eyes carefully, seeing genuine confusion before he says, "The chain around your neck."

Blaine goes terribly pale, head dipping down, as if in reflex, to look at it. "You weren't supposed to see that."

All the hope Blaine had carefully cultivated in Kurt in the last few minutes disappeared. His heart slow and sluggish in his gut, he says, quiet and tired, "You didn't have to lie to me. If you've found someone else, you could have just told me."

Blaine's head darts up. "No!" he exclaims, pulling his right hand from Kurt's. His left hand shoots up to the back of his neck, unclasping the chain with shaky fingers, tugging it from beneath his neckline with his right. Something small and round rockets from the chain into Blaine's waiting left hand. Right now free, he takes Kurt's left hand. "Kurt, I—you are everything to me. I suspected it when you left Dalton last year, but I  _knew_  when you got on that plane to New York without me. I spent all of that first month in a haze. I spent all my time at school with my brave face on, leading New Directions, acting like I was perfectly capable of being on my own. So, outside of school, I barely functioned.

"On my birthday, your Dad," his voice unexpectedly cracks, "he gave me his first wedding ring. He told me to keep it for when 'the time is right.'" Kurt's heart stops. "And I was going to wait until I graduated, I was, and I was worried that even then might be too soon, because when Finn and Rachel got engaged, they seemed so young and I know you thought they were too young, so I was going to wait at least until I graduated, even though this is just a promise ring and it's probably not too early to promise you anything because I'd give you anything I had, so this promise really isn't that big in the scheme of things, but it's kind of become an engagement ring, to me at least, because I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.

"Anyway, I don't—please—I just want—" Kurt has never heard him so lost for words. "Lie to me if you have to, but, Kurt,  _please_. Tell me that at the end of all this waiting on school and the world to change that I'll get to have you, that you'll marry me." Blaine's voice is destroyed, ravaged by the tears escaping down his face and into the shirt that had hidden the depth of his love for so long.

Kurt's eyes flit down to the gold ring in his hands. He remembers sitting in his mother's lap, entrusted for a moment with her wedding ring, flowery patterning on the side catching against his small, chubby fingers. She explained in the most delicate way she knew that his parents had a shotgun wedding, but they loved each other so much that everyone forgot it was a scandal. Others knew it was inevitable from the first time people saw them out together at Russell Fabray's graduation party that they would get married. They weren't clingy and gooey-eyed like most new couples, but solid, his father and mother standing beside one another with casual touches and glances that bespoke years of experience with one another rather than the days everyone had known them to be together. Her perfume floods into his memory as if he were standing in front of her vanity, smelling her.

When Kurt doesn't say anything immediately, lost in the memory of his mother, Blaine looks up from the ring, eyes frantic. "Actually, don't lie to me if you don't want to marry me, that's fine. I wouldn't want you to—"

Kurt gets down on his knees in front of Blaine, utterly shocked that he's qualifying, that Blaine is backing down because he thinks Kurt doesn't want him. "Blaine, be serious." And that's when Blaine chokes, head bowed again, a sob escaping his beautiful lips. "Of course I want to marry you."

Blaine looks up, stunned, at the "of course" and presses their lips together roughly, almost on top of his last word.

"I love you," Blaine mumbles against his lips. "I love you, I love you, you're everything,  _you move me_."

And when Blaine pulls away and pushes the ring onto Kurt's middle finger, his father's ring too large for his ring finger, he feels the universe settle in around them.


End file.
